Hi All
I call myself Sara. I was born male and have been cross dressing in private for a number of years.
I am married, in my 60s and have been submissive my whole life.
For me that started when I was young,my first memories of puberty were me fantasizing that I was surrounded by people all empowered to make me slowly pull my pants down and then masterbate for their pleasure. This was recurring and left me feeling ashamed. It emphasizes my inner thoughts to submit to others.
As I went through puberty I found myself doing sexual activities to please others which pleased me during the event, but afterward more guilt.
One friend had us hide in backyard shed, pulling our pants down and kissing each others butt. Another friend convinced me that rubbing penises was almost as good as sex with a girl, ended up more like a sword fight as we never embraced.
Also over a three year period a cousin, who was a couple years older, took playing doctor a little farther than he should have.
Today it might be considered abusive. But I could have stopped it. He told me stories of younger boys in his neighborhood who had performed oral sex on him. He urinated in one kids mouth. I should not have been surprised when he had me on my knees in front of him. Unfortunately for him I thought "blow" was literally what I had to do. After that we just masterbated when we were together except for the last couple times when he performed oral sex. After every meeting I had enormous guilt and shame. It would have went on longer had my Mom not asked about what we were doing (she suspected he was gay). After which I avoided him like the plague.
These event show my submissive behavior and my guilt in response to these activities. For years after I would fantasize about having sex with men, usually in submission to a large group of guys. For years I would feel guilt and shame, forcing such thoughts out of my head. In the last years I have accepted my feelings as normal and no longer feel guilt.
I know why female clothing is so comforting to me and why I enjoy being a woman if only part time.
And being submissive frees you to do what your early moral training had forbidden you to do, you are forced to do what you really wanted to do all along.
The first time I cross dressed was again in a submissive role. My wife ordered me one evening to remove my clothes and put on her silk night gown and then have sex. This was unbelievably exciting and one of my most memorable experiences.
It never has happened again. A few years later I bought a red teddy and matching stockings hoping we could play role reversal. I planned this for a weekend getaway. When my wife found the teddy and it was not her size she accused me of having a girl friend.
I only got to wear the outfit a few years later when my wife was out of town. I enjoyed just hanging around the house with my sexy outfit on. Since then I have expanded my wardrobe to bras, garter belts, wigs and finally dresses. I wear my outfits in the morning and evening when shades are closed and my wife is out of town. Last year I started wearing makeup. I am definitely not good at it!
Hoping to get to Janet's this summer and get a transformation.
And maybe visit mistress Kat , who can better train me on being a woman.
Thanks all of you who cared to read this!!
Sara
I call myself Sara. I was born male and have been cross dressing in private for a number of years.
I am married, in my 60s and have been submissive my whole life.
For me that started when I was young,my first memories of puberty were me fantasizing that I was surrounded by people all empowered to make me slowly pull my pants down and then masterbate for their pleasure. This was recurring and left me feeling ashamed. It emphasizes my inner thoughts to submit to others.
As I went through puberty I found myself doing sexual activities to please others which pleased me during the event, but afterward more guilt.
One friend had us hide in backyard shed, pulling our pants down and kissing each others butt. Another friend convinced me that rubbing penises was almost as good as sex with a girl, ended up more like a sword fight as we never embraced.
Also over a three year period a cousin, who was a couple years older, took playing doctor a little farther than he should have.
Today it might be considered abusive. But I could have stopped it. He told me stories of younger boys in his neighborhood who had performed oral sex on him. He urinated in one kids mouth. I should not have been surprised when he had me on my knees in front of him. Unfortunately for him I thought "blow" was literally what I had to do. After that we just masterbated when we were together except for the last couple times when he performed oral sex. After every meeting I had enormous guilt and shame. It would have went on longer had my Mom not asked about what we were doing (she suspected he was gay). After which I avoided him like the plague.
These event show my submissive behavior and my guilt in response to these activities. For years after I would fantasize about having sex with men, usually in submission to a large group of guys. For years I would feel guilt and shame, forcing such thoughts out of my head. In the last years I have accepted my feelings as normal and no longer feel guilt.
I know why female clothing is so comforting to me and why I enjoy being a woman if only part time.
And being submissive frees you to do what your early moral training had forbidden you to do, you are forced to do what you really wanted to do all along.
The first time I cross dressed was again in a submissive role. My wife ordered me one evening to remove my clothes and put on her silk night gown and then have sex. This was unbelievably exciting and one of my most memorable experiences.
It never has happened again. A few years later I bought a red teddy and matching stockings hoping we could play role reversal. I planned this for a weekend getaway. When my wife found the teddy and it was not her size she accused me of having a girl friend.
I only got to wear the outfit a few years later when my wife was out of town. I enjoyed just hanging around the house with my sexy outfit on. Since then I have expanded my wardrobe to bras, garter belts, wigs and finally dresses. I wear my outfits in the morning and evening when shades are closed and my wife is out of town. Last year I started wearing makeup. I am definitely not good at it!
Hoping to get to Janet's this summer and get a transformation.
And maybe visit mistress Kat , who can better train me on being a woman.
Thanks all of you who cared to read this!!
Sara
Enjoy, be brave, live the life you will be proud of!! 
