Closet crossdresser

[sheilaPM80]

Dear All,

Hello, this is Sheila and I would love to share my story with all of you.

Since I was a little boy, I have always liked to wear girls clothes and I recently found some pictures at my grandmas house of me at age of 3 years and probably at an age of 7~8 years wearing cute dresses. Seems that my grandma and aunty helped me and supported me.

I never told this to my mother/father and I kept using my sister and mother underwear and clothes secretly and I even got married, so now I keep using my wife clothes and some I bought my self, but it is very frustrating to be hiding and not be able to live my life as a woman.

Everyday when I wake up, there no other though in my mind that the need to crossdress and fantasies of starting my HRT process.

Anyways, since I always liked boys, but never had the opportunity to have a real sexual encounter, I am planning to rent a motel room and get fully crossdressed and try to met a men.

Am i wrong? Should I do it? Any Advices?

[CanuckGirl]

Well, first of all, welcome to the forum!
That's a tough question to try to answer. I'm presuming you are still married, then that is something you need to be careful of if you do a meetup with anyone. Also precautions against STD's should be taken unless you know the person very well, and the health of your partner too.
Sorry, I'm not trying to sound like your Mom, or something!

As for the dressing up, it's the old line about you are what you are. You like the rest of us here are drawn to dressing up in women's clothes. So many people and situations will say this is wrong, but I don't think so, as one has to be honest with one's self. Certainly you have been pulled that way from a young age.
I started around 12 or so, now I'm late 60's, but I also hid in the shadows of my closet most of the time, and didn't dress for 10-15 years. A few years ago I was seriously drawn into not just dressing up, but seriously dressing, with nice clothes, good wig, and makeup. Something I'd wanted to do for 25 years or more.
Likewise there are many here who are bi, or gay, and that's not really a problem either. Here you can be whatever you are without judgement.
The spectrum of gender and sexuality is much wider than is often thought, and those of us who on out on the edges like me see it better than someone who is not drawn to anything non binary. So your feelings are real, and felt by many others too.
Utimately you have to make your choice as to what is right or wrong, though as the last while has shown us life can be shorter than we'd like.
Amy

[Droid6745]

Dear All,

I'm still using my male name, I'm a closet Cross, I am looking for people to share my experience with. I'm new to putting myself out and would like advice.

[Sara69]

Hi Sheila,
You are definitely not wrong. I have spent a lot of my life wondering "what it would be like"
I do dress up in private but haven't done anything like you are contemplating. If you do let us know how it goes!
It really is not a digital world when it comes to gender and sexuality. But i think discovering the options can be a lot of fun.
Good luck
Sara

[JodieLynne]

Welcome to the Forum SheilaPM80!  We're glad to have you here.

In regard to your post, thank you for sharing with us.

In regard to your question, I do have an opinion, and you may think that it is harsh, but I am responding honestly.

Since you say that you are in the closet, I have to assume that your wife is totally unaware of Sheila's existence, yes?
You wear her things without her knowledge or permission?
And now you are contemplating meeting a man, while dressed.  For the purpose of a sexual encounter?  Without your wife's knowledge?  Do you think that this is at all fair to her?

You DO realize that would be cheating on your wife, yes?  And if you are going to assume the defense of "Oh no, I'M not cheating, it's my femme self!", then you are not only guilty of infidelity, but you are also a liar as well.  Because your "femme self" is still YOUR self.  YOU have to live with the consequences.

Let's throw the shoe on the other foot, shall we?  Imagine that your wife came to you one day, to confess that she had dressed like a man, went out and met another man and they had 'sex like the gays do it'.  And then told you that: "I didn't cheat, it was my male persona, 'Ralph' that did it!"

How would you feel about that? Hurt? Betrayed? Deceived?

You say that you "...always liked boys...", but yet you married a woman.  Why?

My sincerest, and honest advice is for you to find a counselor and work out your sexual identity & orientation before jumping into the deep end of the pool!  Also, have an honest and open conversation with your wife.  She deserves that.

You didn't say how long you've been married, or whether there are children, but you do realize that the choices that you make will affect them, yes?

In closing, I'm not judging you, I don't know you or your experiences.  But I am asking you to THINK about your actions as they will impact those around you!


Regards
Jodie