Going out!

[Suzy]

I see so many threads about folks worried about going out in public.  I understand.  But it’s so much fun!I guess I’m lucky, being pretty small in stature.  I got every day now that I’m retired and always treated like a lady wherever I go!  Here I am again at Macy’s today.  If you can, try it!  People don’t really care.

Hugs, Suzy

[CanuckGirl]

I agree with you Suzy. Also in a way I'm bit like you, not being all that tall and not having a lot of obvious male attributes like an prominent adams apple etc. At one time I wished I was taller, now I'm just as happy to be 5-8 or 9.
However for taller girls I read a blog somewhere and they listed well known women, models, actresses, other celebs who are 6 ft and more, and it is quite the list!
The biggest thing is to just do your thing with confidence.

For me going out en femme and interacting with other women helps me to feel the part, as a real woman. That's just me, of course what you like might be different.
But what Suzy said is so true for me too.
Amy

[Lynn]

I agree with you Suzy. Also in a way I'm bit like you, not being all that tall and not having a lot of obvious male attributes like an prominent adams apple etc. At one time I wished I was taller, now I'm just as happy to be 5-8 or 9.
However for taller girls I read a blog somewhere and they listed well known women, models, actresses, other celebs who are 6 ft and more, and it is quite the list!
The biggest thing is to just do your thing with confidence.

For me going out en femme and interacting with other women helps me to feel the part, as a real woman. That's just me, of course what you like might be different.
But what Suzy said is so true for me too.
Amy

I think for those of us who are more mature "coming out" is a struggle. Many of the younger crowd don't have the life long baggage we carry around. They haven't had to grow up and/or be exposed to the oppressive, dangerous society as long. The way things once existed that shaped many of us older generations and now holds us back.  

In my case it was what I call overcoming my "fear of being a man in a dress" growing up in a society in danger of being hurt or killed if anyone knew I was different. But our society is changing for the better for the most part. Once I took the first step into the public world as Lynn I began to realize we are our own worst enemy and overcoming those barriers we have created is the issue. 

I will never "pass in public" I am 5' 11" tall barefoot and my male facial characteristics  too obvious. Even if someone somehow did not realize I am not a woman the minute I open my mouth and speak it is obvious. I can talk in a feminine voice but only for a short while and therefore can't carry on a conversation wihout dropping out of that voice . So I stopped trying and just be myself. I realize now that it doesn't matter what I look or sound like. There are ugly cis woman out there that I pesent as well or better looking than they do and it doesn't stop them from being who they are in public. 

No one in my  "male life" knows Lynn however more and more I am becoming comfortable going out to places close to home so to speak where the possibility exists I could be recognized. But so what?? What are those people going to do ?? Will they even want to acknowledge you if they do recognize you. I have spotted several "ex-clients" watching me , taking glances, making eye contact and looking for a sign of recognition from me and I just went about my business as if I didn't know who they were or recognize them. Nothing became of it , my world hasn't ended I am still here and loving being me in public the more I continue to do it and push myself to be more and more bold and independent and go it alone on my own in public. 

You have to be confident "own it" who you want to be and go out like you own the place wherever you go. Put a smile on your face and be friendly and engaging and people will actually like you, befriend you. Strangers will engage in meaningfull conversation and be curious to know more about who you are, what it is like to be a cd or transgendered. We can inform and be good role models to the public to continue improving the acceptance in society .

Forget what your mind and body are telling you that you can't do , go where you have told yourself you can't go and be who you have dreamed of being.

Start small, start safe , in my case it was taking a walk in a public park in another town outside of the city I live in and with a friend I trusted. I have continued to go out with him regularly and I have had people ask if we are  couple. I have had compliments from strangers about my hair,  makeup or clothes. I have had a group of 3 young cis ladies tell our social group during a girls night out that they were happy to see us out enjoying being out true selves enjoying life and saying we where so strong to be out in public. I have come to the conclusion that if it weren't for me and my mindfull of fear I should have done this awhile ago.

Don't look back in your old age and "wonder what if" you gave it a try and/or thinking it is to late, your not feminine enough or all the things holding you back. You will find out that the  demons in your head start to die and going out can be a wonderful, freeing and fulfilling experience.

[JodieLynne]

I envy you shorter girls, and it does help in 'passing'.

I am 6' tall in my bare feet  ( which are ginormous, BTW, size 12 Men's ), my face is too long & angular, and thanks to genetics, wigs are absolutely always required!  I will never in a million years, completely 'pass' as a genetic woman.

But "passing" is as much mental as it is physical, if not more so.  You could be 5' 5" tall, with petite feet, but if you aren't comfortable, if you clomp around like a guy in heels, or if you feel and/or act like you are doing something wrong, you will never pass. 

If you dress inappropriately for the venue, wearing an evening gown, elbow length gloves, and 6" stilettos to Walmart, you WILL be clocked!

If you dress like a 'tween, and you are older than 20, you WILL be clocked!

If you are wearing an outfit that would make a hooker blush,  (say it with me! ) you WILL be clocked!

Far more important than clothing though, is your physical and mental presentation.

    "Mental Presentation???? WTF are you talking about, Jodie??????"

What I mean is how YOU perceive yourself when going out en femme.  Do you feel comfortable presenting as a woman in public, doing what women do?  OR, do you feel & act like a man in a dress, sidling and skulking about, like a person in disguise?

     If you behave like you belong, if you've studied how GG's move, dress and behave and can emulate those movements and behaviours; if you BELIEVE in yourself, you will pass.  Or at least, be accepted as who you present to be.

[Lynn]

I envy you shorter girls, and it does help in 'passing'.

I am 6' tall in my bare feet  ( which are ginormous, BTW, size 12 Men's ), my face is too long & angular, and thanks to genetics, wigs are absolutely always required!  I will never in a million years, completely 'pass' as a genetic woman.

But "passing" is as much mental as it is physical, if not more so.  You could be 5' 5" tall, with petite feet, but if you aren't comfortable, if you clomp around like a guy in heels, or if you feel and/or act like you are doing something wrong, you will never pass. 

If you dress inappropriately for the venue, wearing an evening gown, elbow length gloves, and 6" stilettos to Walmart, you WILL be clocked!

If you dress like a 'tween, and you are older than 20, you WILL be clocked!

If you are wearing an outfit that would make a hooker blush,  (say it with me! ) you WILL be clocked!

Far more important than clothing though, is your physical and mental presentation.

    "Mental Presentation???? WTF are you talking about, Jodie??????"

What I mean is how YOU perceive yourself when going out en femme.  Do you feel comfortable presenting as a woman in public, doing what women do?  OR, do you feel & act like a man in a dress, sidling and skulking about, like a person in disguise?

     If you behave like you belong, if you've studied how GG's move, dress and behave and can emulate those movements and behaviours; if you BELIEVE in yourself, you will pass.  Or at least, be accepted as who you present to be.

I aggree with you Jodielynn. I have one question however and do you have any heels you don't like or don't wear since it appears we have the same size feet. LOL

I still consider myself a newbie at going out and still get butterflies at times (like the first time I visited a biker/leather bar as Lynn recently ). So I don't want to sound like an expert on the subject. But the only way I get over doubting myself, to get over looking , feeling scared or "sulking around" trying to hide and go unnoticed as you describe it is to go out enough times and having successful, fulfilling experiences enjoying being the real me in public. If I ever have a "bad" experience it would be a rare incident I would handle the best I could and learn from it. However a rare incident is not going to overshadow or cause me to stop going out. The positive is overwhelmingly worth the negative possible risks of overblown fears that probably will never happen that I had developed in my mind.

I have started to get it through my mind that no one cares or pays any attention to you for the most part and are not staring and pointing at you etc... to out you or clock you as the saying goes. I have been told about but never encountered the few individuals that might get visibly/verbally upset over you and leave or move away from being near you or someone try to "save you" but these are far and few. In those cases excusing yourself politely is the best course of action then. I personally haven't experience either so far and I am going into my third year of being out in public. 

Also a reminder this is Covid time so wearing a mask is perfect, normal way to disguise ourselves and eliminate being recognized by someone who knows you only as male.  

If you act, speak and have a friendly smile and attitude like you usually would in man mode or a cis woman would present things you will  find regular people will be easy to interact with. Through the years even in the closet I observed and picked up sayings, phrases and words I have heard the cis woman around me , family , co-workers etc.. use frequently to communicate. I also picked up on mannerisms how they use their hands/arms to talk, how to stand when standing still with your body and feet postion. The more you know and use the feminine things people usually see from cis woman the more they are comfortable being around and accepting you.  Most people are to busy to pay attention to us and if you present like you have it all together and can't be rattled in your surrondings then they won't mess with you. 

Besides I can hold my own one on one and a guy wanting to pick a fight if it ever happens will get a reminder from me first. I'll ask/tell him that he will be getting his own bumps and bruises etc... even if he kicks my ass. So does he really want to go viral in this day and age and want to be recognized as getting it on with a man in a dress and heels or explain to someone how he got the marks of a fight? Then give him the suggestion we leave it alone and walk away. So otherwise we take it outside and take our chances as they say. I won't start a fight but won't back down from someone who will. Most bullies want to pick on the fearful, vunerable weak person to validate their self esteem and not take a chance on someone willing to fight back.