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I've waited all my life
#1
Ok, I'm going to tell on myself. I have always thought I was a female just like most of you out there. :o When I was four or five I started having "those feelings about wanting to dress like my mom and sisters." You know what happened! I was told that little boys don't do that (and I got my hind end kick.) No more of that for years. When I was in the service I would buy hose and slips maybe a bra and go to a motel for the weekend in a different city and stay in side dressed all week end. Before I went back to the base I threw all my stuff away until the next time. (Did I say there was a lot of guilt involved in this?) So I would stop for months and years. I would buy my stuff and dress for a while then purge. This went on for years. Now my wife is gone, the kids are gone and I'm starting all over again. I'm in my 60's and can't pass but, I am going to enjoy all that I can. I feel like I was made to dress. I love the feeling of the clothes and I'm planning on getting lessons on make-up and buying me some new cloths that are not going to be thrown out. EVER!! When I look at women the first thing I notice is their cloths, then make-up, then shoes. I not gay but, I think I might like being treated like a women for a change. Soooo, how that for a story. (it's not a story it my life.)
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#2
I do the same thing when I look at women. I look at their outfit and their makeup and I wish I could look like them.
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#3
I do the same thing when I look at women. I look at their outfit and their makeup and I wish I could look like them.
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#4
hey Becka

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Alexi Law
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#5
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#6
Why feel guilty? But I know how you feel. But you are a normal person. There will nothing wrong with you. Kisses and hugs.
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#7
Welcome to the group, Becka. I was never punished for dressing, though my Mom caught me a couple of times, but I did feel a lot of guilt and shame.
I would myself promise never to do it again, but we all know about that, too.
Hopefully you can now spread your feminine wings and enjoy your womanly side. I'm in my 60's as well, and it wasn't until a few years I finally was able to embrace my femme side.
Amy
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#8
(07-24-2014, 11:37 PM)becka519 Wrote: Ok, I'm going to tell on myself. I have always thought I was a female just like most of you out there.  :o  When I was four or five I started having "those feelings about wanting to dress like my mom and sisters." You know what happened! I was told that little boys don't do that (and I got my hind end kick.) No more of that for years. When I was in the service I would buy hose and slips maybe a bra and go to a motel for the weekend in a different city and stay in side dressed all week end. Before I went back to the base I threw all my stuff away until the next time. (Did I say there was a lot of guilt involved in this?)  So  I would stop for months and years. I would buy my stuff and dress for a while then purge. This went on for years. Now my wife is gone, the kids are gone and I'm starting all over again. I'm in my 60's and can't pass but, I am going to enjoy all that I can. I feel like I was made to dress. I love the feeling of the clothes and I'm planning on getting lessons on make-up and buying me some new cloths that are not going to be thrown out. EVER!! When I look at women the first thing I notice is their cloths, then make-up, then shoes. I not gay but, I think I might like being treated like a women for a change. Soooo, how that for a story. (it's not a story it my life.)

Welcome to the forum.  I was in the closet all my married life also,  If you are anywhere in the 5 county SE Michigan area I would be more than happy to assist you in getting ready to go out and we can go to Adams Apple, a very trans friendly bar in Detroit and show you that you can be a woman in public.  Also Janet's Closet is a good place to shop, get makeup done, or go for a total transformation, they do great work.
Hugs, Bernice      
Just an old CD
Hugs, Bernice  Heart
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#9
Becka welcome to Janets closet forum. Many of us ladies our age have gone through similar life experiences. Our generation knew being caught or identified as girly,squirrelly  , whatever term applied. We would be punished even dangerous and life threatening things might happen. 

I was fortunate never getting caught until my wife after a few years of marriage. We started working it out after 2 weeks of the silence treatment she pretended like it didn't happen. That was over 40 years ago now and we have a wonderful cis husband/wife life in public. However I finally got to where I wasn't satisfied of being in the closet my whole life as a non-existing person that was just a dream in my head. I cannot pass in public either but I finally got the courage to put that fear aside and try going out in public doing everyday things a woman might do dressed as Lynn. It was such a wonderful feeling I haven't stopped whenever I can go out as Lynn.

If/when someone , probably most anyone sees me they know I'm not a genetic woman especially if I say something my voice gives me away. But so far in 2 years no one has cared to say or do a negative thing. Contrary to my fears everything has been positive for the most part and especially the younger cis ladies have been so affirming to me. Numeorus times I have been approached by strangers with polite conversation, compliments, and acknowledgement that they are glad I have the courage to be myself and enjoy life out and about as my true self. I wish I had made this decision sooner in life.  I might have been better looking and more closely pass in public. Certainly I have a lot of expereinces to catch up on now doing them as a woman.

Hopefully more of our generation will come out despite "not being able to pass" to enjoy what we have always wanted to do and  dress to experience life as a woman. I am learning that presenting myself with confience, owning who I am with head held high and a smile goes a long way being polite toward fitting in and being accepted even if I am still considered to be a man in a dress by many who see me. They are to busy with their own life, in a hurry and really don't notice me or care to make anything of me being there. The society today is so much more tolerant than ever before due to all the alternative oriented movements that came before our transgendered or cd/tv community started advocating for tolerance.

I have my response, come back, or retort whatever you want to call it well rehearsed for the naysayer or someone who wants to confront me or make a drama scene. I hope I never have to use it but I have also defended myself in men's shoes so I can do it in heels.  I might get my share of bumps and bruises but it would be more embarrassing for the asshole who confronts me when I suggested we walk away instead in the first place.

Hugs and kisses
Lynn
Hugs and Kisses
Lynn
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