I have been checking in and reading posts all along. I had not posted much myself because i had concluded that this life was just not for me. An awful lot has happened over the past year to drive home how much I mean to my family and my extended family as they know me. However....
Recently the Pink Fog, in Anne's felicitous phrase, has rolled in and stubbornly refused to lift.I had dreams about being dressed and made up as Stacia. I am home alone this week; last week it dawned on me that I could use the self checkouts at Meijer's and not have to squirm internally in front of a clerk. I scouted the lady's clothing section. Last night after golf I picked out a dress, bra and nylons as matter of fact as I could be. I went to the other end of the store, away from the staff who know me. So naturally, the gregarious young man helping at the registers came over and struck up a chat. I was surprised at how calm and unconcerned I was checking out. After dressing last night, I decided I needed makeup. Well, duh! Today I went over to Target, walked in the door and, naturally, headed straight for the ladies clothing.
So here I sit, in my second new dress in 24 hours, face powdered, lips slickered, content, for now. I am not even concerned at this point about the future. I'm closeted forever; I just want to love myself, this self, as is, for a few precious days.