Manliness

[michelle.busty]

I am rereading a book I read a couple of years ago, Manliness, by Harvey Mansfield, a noted professor at Harvard University. It is a commentary on the gender wars, going back to the 50's and he has a definite point of view. It is not heavily academic, but does discuss several prominent authors, going back to De Beauvoir and Friedan. But along the way he has a lot of interesting things to say and affords me the opportunity to rethink femininity. He believes, by the way, that there are manly women: not unfeminine or unladylike, but secure, happy, well balanced people.

Just a thought for you.

Stacia, originally I thought I would be quite the feminine type. But then I realized that not only would that require physical changes, but mental and personality changes as well. The I realized that I don't have to, or want to, change who I am, just to suit the image I believed other's would expect from physical changes. So I have opted for the physical changes, and whatever mental and personality changes that come along for the ride. So that means that I won't be the round the clock dresses, skirts, and perfect makeup woman. Nope, sometimes maybe, but mostly the jeans and top and light makeup type. So if that means I retain some degree of masculinity, then so be it. I'm the one who has to be okay with me, and I won't bend to other's expectations. Hugs, Michelle

I have thought more about a transition than I have done so far. I look at the women around me, especially at my age, and constantly ask myself "Do I want to be that?" Reading Harvey Mansfield got me to see that I wouldn't have to give up the personal characteristics I like in myself and I wouldn't have to take on more "traditionally" feminine ones that didn't fit the rest of my life. I am already more empathetic, more emotionally affectionate and caring than a lot of men; more nurturing. My wife is quite spoiled and she would tell you that, as are my family members. I fell for the song "Someone to Watch Over Me" early in life and thought for a long time I wanted someone to take care of me. Well, the joke turned out to be on me, because I went looking for someone to watch over and found them, all whole bunch. It was stunning to come to the realization how little I would have to change emotionally, temperamentally to pass as a woman, to be a woman. On a lighter note, I think quite often of a line from a movie, re this discussion, from Trading Places. Denholm Elliot drops Eddy Murphy off at the Duke and Duke building for the first time and Murphy looks at him and plaintively asks What am I supposed to do here? And Elliot says "Just be yourself...whatever else they can't take that away from you". People trying so desperately to affect what is not within are asking for mental illness.

I use a lot of little aphorisms, little interventions, to help out in rubs..."just be yourself..." is one I use often.

Michelle...you are the flat out bomb!  You have your s*** together like nobody else, and you are going through what you are going through....just incredible, educated, planful (ok, that's not really a word but...) view of yourself and the world.  Thank you for including us on your journey!!!