The View From The Other Side

[JodieLynne]

A kind of funny thing I've noticed, and wondering if anyone else has....


Prior to the Covid 19 lockdown, I enjoyed many outings as Jodie, with friends. We'd go to parties, or clubs, restaurants, or shopping, often in mixed groups (GG's, girls, guys ).  As a bit of background, I am active in an LGBT+ PRIDE group, and am actually a member of the Board.  In my past, I was a member of Law Enforcement in NYC, and have a background in criminal law.

On a couple of occasions, I learned, firsthand, what women have gone through for ages. 

It began at a diner, after a PRIDE meeting, when about 20 people gathered to socialize and enjoy each others company. There were several T-girls, a few Lesbians, gay men, and a few Bi- men and women. The venue is VERY LGBT+ friendly, and is a meeting spot for folks under the umbrella.

The conversation turned to "what to do if you are out, dressed and get pulled over/ run into a check point".  When I presented my opinion on what to do, about 2 sentences in, I was steamrolled by a man who presented his opinion.  I again attempted to explain my position, and was again interrupted by another man, who then 'mansplained' the law to me. 

I was just about to retort, when one of the GG's tapped me on the arm and whispered "NOW you see what women have to go through" with a grin.

I was gobsmacked! Out of all the people at the table, I was THE expert on law, but was being lectured to by a man, because, obviously, I was a woman who 'just couldn't understand' the complex issues!

I'm not saying that I'm 100% passable, but a lot of people have told me that they see me as 100% female. And I have to say that as annoying as it was, I was pleased to be accepted, by the men, as a woman.


SO, has anyone else experienced the down side of presenting as a woman? Or have stories of the plus side of presenting as female?

[Anne]

Jodie,


Thank you for sharing your experience.  I've been in public a couple times but have not been in a situation (yet?) in which a man would 'overspeak' me.  But I'm not surprised.  Testosterone can be such nasty stuff.

[MichelleL]

Jodie, in my 'former life' I probably did that. Frankly, I'm not sure what would have driven it. I doubt it was from a conscience feeling of superiority, or 'I'm smarter that you'. Males, I think, are closely attached to their mothers for a few years after birth, and then the 'switch alliances' to their father's so they can begin to learn the life skill they will need as an adult.

One of those life skills is that the 'buck stops here'. No matter where the man turns, he is the 'safety net' of last resort when it comes to family. Society makes him 'head of the household'. He is the safety net for anything and everything that goes wrong. And as he gets older, parents and in-laws can also fall into his bucket.

That role for me has caused more heartache and anxiety that anything else. And still to this day I fight with it. To be able to turn that responsibility over to someone I love and trust would be a great joy. But alas, I can't.

So maybe, it isn't something they willfully do on purpose, but something that has been ingrained in them since early childhood. Oh well, I guess just bite your lip, smile, bat your eyelashes a bit, and remind him about 'how smart and wonderful' he is.

I know this probably didn't help, or tell you something you didn't already know; but your post gave me a change to get something off my meager chest. Love ya, Michelle

[Suzy]

A kind of funny thing I've noticed, and wondering if anyone else has....


Prior to the Covid 19 lockdown, I enjoyed many outings as Jodie, with friends. We'd go to parties, or clubs, restaurants, or shopping, often in mixed groups (GG's, girls, guys ).  As a bit of background, I am active in an LGBT+ PRIDE group, and am actually a member of the Board.  In my past, I was a member of Law Enforcement in NYC, and have a background in criminal law.

On a couple of occasions, I learned, firsthand, what women have gone through for ages. 

It began at a diner, after a PRIDE meeting, when about 20 people gathered to socialize and enjoy each others company. There were several T-girls, a few Lesbians, gay men, and a few Bi- men and women. The venue is VERY LGBT+ friendly, and is a meeting spot for folks under the umbrella.

The conversation turned to "what to do if you are out, dressed and get pulled over/ run into a check point".  When I presented my opinion on what to do, about 2 sentences in, I was steamrolled by a man who presented his opinion.  I again attempted to explain my position, and was again interrupted by another man, who then 'mansplained' the law to me. 

I was just about to retort, when one of the GG's tapped me on the arm and whispered "NOW you see what women have to go through" with a grin.

I was gobsmacked! Out of all the people at the table, I was THE expert on law, but was being lectured to by a man, because, obviously, I was a woman who 'just couldn't understand' the complex issues!

I'm not saying that I'm 100% passable, but a lot of people have told me that they see me as 100% female. And I have to say that as annoying as it was, I was pleased to be accepted, by the men, as a woman.


SO, has anyone else experienced the down side of presenting as a woman? Or have stories of the plus side of presenting as female?

Hi JodieLynne!  

Like Michelle, I was probably guilty of that as well when I was in male mode.  I’m sure I tried doing the macho interruption thing, without even noticing I was doing it.

However, on the other side.  I absolutely love it when I am out and about as Suzy when a man opens a door for me, buys me glass of wine, pays me complements, etc.  I love that part of being a woman.

Hugs, Suzy

[JodieLynne]

So maybe, it isn't something they willfully do on purpose, but something that has been ingrained in them since early childhood. Oh well, I guess just bite your lip, smile, bat your eyelashes a bit, and remind him about 'how smart and wonderful' he is.

I know this probably didn't help, or tell you something you didn't already know; but your post gave me a change to get something off my meager chest. Love ya, Michelle

 Thanks Michelle, I agree with your take on the behaviour, and I really do need to polish up those fawning skills! 

[MichelleL]

So maybe, it isn't something they willfully do on purpose, but something that has been ingrained in them since early childhood. Oh well, I guess just bite your lip, smile, bat your eyelashes a bit, and remind him about 'how smart and wonderful' he is.

I know this probably didn't help, or tell you something you didn't already know; but your post gave me a change to get something off my meager chest. Love ya, Michelle

 Thanks Michelle, I agree with your take on the behaviour, and I really do need to polish up those fawning skills! 

Yep, sometimes you want to be on your knees - begging..... And sometimes you want him on his knees - begging. Either way; it's all about what 'we' want - right ladies! Love ya, Michelle

[CanuckGirl]

So maybe, it isn't something they willfully do on purpose, but something that has been ingrained in them since early childhood. Oh well, I guess just bite your lip, smile, bat your eyelashes a bit, and remind him about 'how smart and wonderful' he is.

I know this probably didn't help, or tell you something you didn't already know; but your post gave me a change to get something off my meager chest. Love ya, Michelle

 Thanks Michelle, I agree with your take on the behaviour, and I really do need to polish up those fawning skills! 

Yep, sometimes you want to be on your knees - begging..... And sometimes you want him on his knees - begging. Either way; it's all about what 'we' want - right ladies! Love ya, Michelle

Well, yes to both times Michelle! Sometimes I want to be on my knees, sometimes I want her to be on "her" knees, or her (the woman) to be on her knees. Depends where I am in the spectrum that day!

 I try not to overdo the macho guy thing, which usually isn't difficult, though I've also noticed that GG's expect that at times. The male taking to lead, that is.
 I've been out quite a few times totally en femme, dresed up or casual, and I believe I'm passable, but have never had a situation like that develop. Likely it simply hasn't happend to me yet.
Been chatted up a few times, though. Even though I still idenitify as hetro, meaning I find women very attractive irrespective of how I'm presenting myself, but I do enjoy being treated as a woman.
 Amy