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Home Alone 2
#1
Home alone for the afternoon, I put on my black bra and black silk panties and a clingy tee shirt and did some reading in a new Jan Morris book I bought. I raided the cabinet in the bathroom and put on some soft pink lipstick, powdered my nose and combed my hair down around my face. The look, in the soft natural light that flatters us older girls, was better than I expected; not so absurd at all.

I sat at the table in the kitchen and worked on the medical papers I have to fill out - cataract surgery on the 23rd, per-op meeting tomorrow. Then I remembered an errand I promised.

So I put on a loose, bulky sweater and a big loose windbreaker and set out for Meijers. Even in the car or walking normally, my chest moved around gently. Steering the car, reaching up the shelves, putting on the safety belts, I felt the swelling.

How can these simple sensations move me so?

I am writing a chronology, going back to my first experience of ambiguity at four years old. I'm "all the way" up to twelve with desires and impulses most little boys don't have. Yet there is not in sight a "rational" explanation.

I have been near despair over this situation, after finally figuring out what exactly I really am. I had given up my conditioning effort, but a new health issue requires an aggressive new weight loss and conditioning agenda. I will lose what naturally fills these cups right now and titillates me so, but the prospect of much further transformation is not so good anyway and pink satisfaction may have to remain an infrequent and mostly esoteric affair.

Love to all who love.
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#2
Hi Stacia, your post prompted me to google "can being overweight cause cataracts"?  I was not aware until now how our weight status can influence our eye health.  That said, I first want to wish you a successful surgery.  I know of several people who have had cataract surgery and sing the praises of their new eyesight.  Cataract surgery is not without risks so any nervousness on your part regarding the surgery is understandable.

Now to the weight and losing your breasts.   I totally understand your frustration and sadness over the thought of losing your breasts.  I by no means wish to diminish what a cis gender woman goes through with a mastectomy but in a similar sense you are, in a way, grieving over what will be the loss of part of your body that you significantly identify with.  I will only be repeating, what I'm sure your doctor told you, that losing excess weight is good for you/your body in a myriad of ways.  Perhaps you could look at this as an opportunity to become a new and different (better?) Stacia.  While certainly not the same as having natural boobs, you would be able to wear different size breastforms to give you different looks.  One day you could put on a pair of Dolly Partons and the next day you could have on a nice pair of B, C, D, or DD cups.   Also, you would not be the first mtf CD who got breast implants if you thought that was a possibility.   With a slimmer waistline, you would be able to exhibit more of the womanly form that many of us like to see in the mirror and exhibit in public (if one is so inclined).  I hope that over time, you will be able to get over your feelings of loss and move on to becoming a new and happy lady.
Heart 
Anne
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#3
Hi Stacia - I had cataract surgery about a year ago. Was in and out of the surgery in less than 20 minutes! Very easy procedure. You will be so happy with the results, I know I am! Good luck!

I was at Meijers yesterday myself. What a coincidence! I was fully dressed as Suzy, with ankle boots, leggings, skirt, blouse and sweater. Never had an issue. It feels so good to be out as a woman, at least for me. I could share a photo if you want.

Good luck with the weight loss! Sounds like a good plan!

Hugs, Suzy
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#4
Stacia, I do hope all goes well, and continues well afterwards. I will also have to say that I too experienced some 'loss' of breast 'stuff' as I was loosing weight. But it was non-tissue loss, and not actual tissue. Then I noticed that the hormones were replacing the old 'stuff' with actual tissue. I could feel the difference in how my breasts would feel when I would pinch or squeeze them. There was no longer the squishy feeling, but a feeling of actual tissue there. So not to make light of the situation (but hopefully put a smile there); 'Hormones - the wave of the future; ride the wave'. Hugs, Michelle Heart Heart
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#5
(01-08-2020, 08:34 AM)Anne Wrote: Hi Stacia, your post prompted me to google "can being overweight cause cataracts"?  I was not aware until now how our weight status can influence our eye health.  That said, I first want to wish you a successful surgery.  I know of several people who have had cataract surgery and sing the praises of their new eyesight.  Cataract surgery is not without risks so any nervousness on your part regarding the surgery is understandable.

Now to the weight and losing your breasts.   I totally understand your frustration and sadness over the thought of losing your breasts.  I by no means wish to diminish what a cis gender woman goes through with a mastectomy but in a similar sense you are, in a way, grieving over what will be the loss of part of your body that you significantly identify with.  I will only be repeating, what I'm sure your doctor told you, that losing excess weight is good for you/your body in a myriad of ways.  Perhaps you could look at this as an opportunity to become a new and different (better?) Stacia.  While certainly not the same as having natural boobs, you would be able to wear different size breastforms to give you different looks.  One day you could put on a pair of Dolly Partons and the next day you could have on a nice pair of B, C, D, or DD cups.   Also, you would not be the first mtf CD who got breast implants if you thought that was a possibility.   With a slimmer waistline, you would be able to exhibit more of the womanly form that many of us like to see in the mirror and exhibit in public (if one is so inclined).  I hope that over time, you will be able to get over your feelings of loss and move on to becoming a new and happy lady.

The weight issue has to do with narrowing of two small coronary arteries, hence the new urgency for weight loss, which I should do anyway. I just got "lucky" that now is the time to do my cataracts. And, just to pile on, I am doing physical therapy for damage changes in my golf swing caused with my back and right knee. My 9 hole handicap went from 10 (!) at the beginning of the year to 4 at the end...but it cost me.

The weight loss should improve my figure, no doubt.
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