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Still Here, Still Around!
#1
Hey, all!  Sorry that I've been so incognito.  I'm just working and living. Still working on my health, but have been in a "funk", so it's been slow-goings.   I'm at the LGBTQ Community Center right now.  There's a "Writer's Loft" thing for creative writing going on tonight.   Doesn't start until 7:30 pm (6:30 pm now), so I'm just "hangin' & chillin"" til it starts.

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive, and haven't forgotten about everyone.

Have a Fantabulous Evening!!   Wink
~ Maria
HeartT.G.I.F. (Thank Goodness I'm Femme!) 

"Loneliness, a constant friend and lover I know well..."
('One Step Closer' by Asia)

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#2
Hi LM-Maria!

A 'Writers Loft'? That sounds so cool!

Glad to hear your health is improving, and please, don't ever think that you are the only one going through a funk.
I don't post here very often, but you can always PM me if you need a friendly ear.
Smile
Before you can love another, you HAVE to love yourself first
I aim to misbehave
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#3
Maria, Yep, I think a lot of folks get into periods of time where they are just so busy with other things. Sometimes I wind up going days without being able to see what is going on. That is especially true when my sons are here. But life goes on, and we just do what we need to do to get through things. Sure wish we had a community center around here. But living where I do; I think I would have a heart attack if they put one up. Oh well. Love ya, Michelle Heart Heart
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#4
Thanks all!

Yes, I have been spending a lot of time at "The Loft LGBTQ Community Center" of late. My Transgender Home! Because of my "funk", progress with my journey has slowed. Got to work on getting back on-track.

Be good, be beautiful, and be fabulous!
~ Maria
HeartT.G.I.F. (Thank Goodness I'm Femme!) 

"Loneliness, a constant friend and lover I know well..."
('One Step Closer' by Asia)

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#5
(03-25-2019, 12:39 PM)LM-Maria Wrote: Thanks all!

Yes, I have been spending a lot of time at "The Loft LGBTQ Community Center" of late.  My Transgender Home!  Because of my "funk", progress with my journey has slowed.  Got to work on getting back on-track.

Be good, be beautiful, and be fabulous!

Maria....you are not the first person to go through the ups and downs of dressing.   We all go through that so please don't get down on yourself.  Continue your meetings...hope you are making great friends there....and do not lose sight of your health goals that you set for yourself.  When we get into these low moods, it's easy to slide into unhealthy eating habits and lack of exercise.  In fact, when you're feeling a bit low, a nice long brisk walk is amazing for what it does to the brain (as well as the rest of the body).  It's the endorphins kicking in.  Stay strong gurl.
Heart 
Anne
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#6
Hey all!  Thought I'd just post in this thread instead of starting a new thread.  Down and Up for me this week.

The Down:

Last Saturday (March 30th), I went two counties away to go shopping.  I was determined to get myself some "femm supplies": home waxing materials, nail polish, some lipstick and maybe a "Spring top".  Went to my first stop, a Rite Aid I don't frequent at all, got to the section where the hair removal products are and... TOTALLY FREEZE!  I became so self-conscious, that I couldn't do it!  Wound up getting some wax pads (not enough to clean my entire body, but spot hair removal they're good for) and nothing else!  No makeup, no Spring-wear, no lingerie... NOTHING!   Did some food shopping and just headed home.

When the fear subsided, I started feeling depressed and angry at myself.  Even after ALL these years, I am STILL getting this way when trying to shop for Femme stuff!  Why am I still feeling like this?  Why can't I commit?  It's not like anyone would actually SAY anything to me!  My money is just as green as any cis-woman's money!  I could probably walk into a Lane Bryant, or Dressbarn, or Kohl's and even say that they're for me, and majority of the staff wouldn't give a crap - money's money!  Yet, I cannot get over it myself.  I spent the whole weekend feeling sorry for myself, being angry with myself, and feeling pathetic and like I'm a waste of oxygen!  So bad, that I actually got physically sick (spent Sunday with the heating pad and running to the bathroom!)  I ended up missing my next Transgender Peer Meeting at The Loft Sunday evening!

The Up:

Decided to go to the Men's Peer Group Meeting on Tuesday evening.  Had a chiropractor appointment before going to the meeting.  So, after the chiropractor, I stopped at a Sunoco mini-mart to get a bottle of water and a little snack before going to the Men's Group meeting.  Went up to pay for it, and a young lady behind the counter rang me up.  Remember that I had cut off my nails since one broke so badly?  I've been taking Biotin supplements and letting them grow again.  Also following a Wiki-How on caring for nails so I've been filing and shaping them.  As I was getting my money out, the girl helping me said, "Wow, nice nails!" - not in a sarcastic way or a condescending way, but an honest compliment!  I said, "Really?  I didn't think so".  "Nah," she said, "they look nice and clean!"  I think I shyly thanked her.  I was taken aback by her honest appreciation for my nails - it was totally unexpected!  Even the older guy next to her behind the counter said, "Yeah, they are".  That, I have to say, actually perked me up a bit.

Another thing, I have heard from my fellow Trans-gals that they've experienced the cold-shoulder from gay men, and lesbian women - like Trans Women & Men aren't really accepted by Lesbians & Gays.  However, I got a bit of sunshine at the Men's meeting.  One of the guys that hadn't been there in a while, came to the meeting.  Turned out it was his birthday and a few of  the other guys there brought in a cake and a present to him.  Since he was "on the spot", he thanked everyone, gave a bit of a pro-Group speech, but had finished off with saying, "Hey, I know some Trans Men who would be interested in coming to one of our meetings.  We're supposed to be open to 'gays, bisexuals, questioning, and trans', so would everyone be open to them joining us?"  They basically all agreed that it would be okay.  It gives me hope that, at least with that bunch, there are some open-minds even in the gay community for transgender people.  Now, I'm sure that this fellow was referring to Female-to-Male transgender peeps, but one had stated that a Male-to-Female once was part of the group for a while - and they didn't seem to have a problem with that person!

So, a little bit-'O sunshine in my otherwise cloudy week!  Next Transgender Peer Group is this coming Sunday.  I will be relaying this to them as well.

Heart  Take care, all!  Kisses and hugs!! Heart
~ Maria
HeartT.G.I.F. (Thank Goodness I'm Femme!) 

"Loneliness, a constant friend and lover I know well..."
('One Step Closer' by Asia)

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#7
Maria, I felt the same way going into my local Walmart to get cosmetics. Then a curious thing happened. I noticed other men were there to. Getting stuff on their, 'well, if you are going to the store, can you get me' list from their wife or girlfriend..... And then the thought hit me; I can always use the excuse that it is a holiday, or someone's birthday. After doing that a couple of times, I thought, screw it; this is a free country, and 'I don't mind, cuz they don't matter'. Not to be looking down at those that would not like what I'm doing, but because I'm just like everyone else. There are 6+ billion people on this planet, and that means there are 6+ billion different likes, needs, desires, etc. And mine are no better or worse that any of the others. And if they want to laugh, or jeer, at me, inwardly or outwardly, then that is a reflection of them, not me! Love ya, Michelle Heart Heart
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#8
Hi Maria,
I'm so jelly of you.  I've never gotten compliments on my nails.  Very nice gurl.

Speaking to your situation at the Rite Aid.  Would it help if you bought your cosmetics at the Walmart or Target?  Both have the self check kiosks so if your fear stemmed from having a checker scanning your stuff as you are waiting to pay, you can avoid that whole scenario with the self check kiosks at Walmart and Target.  Plus, Walmart and Target will have the same cosmetics as Rite Aid.

The first time I bought cosmetics, I had the same fear as you.  I felt like the whole world was watching me.  It wasn't.  I recall how I would briskly swoop through the cosmetic section at Walmart and randomly grab lipstick and other things based on the color I was seeing.  I went through the self check and got home to look at my purchases.  Some things I liked.  Other items I was somewhat disappointed because it was not the exact cosmetic I wanted.  I realized that in my haste to avoid a mistaken perception that the world was watching me, I only hurt myself.  At that point, I experienced a sea change in attitude and I said to myself that no one really gives a damn what I am doing at the store.  For all they know, I could be buying per a shopping list that my SO gave me.

I'm wondering if you might be trying to get too many things at one time.  Would it help to build up your confidence if you only went to the cosmetics section with the purpose of buying one thing only?  Go to the hair removal section and do take a little time.  If a worker approaches you to ask if you need help, please just know that their purpose/their job is to help the customer.  They are not there to judge you.  You can use as a built in excuse..."Gee my girl friend asked me to get her a hair removal item and I forgot to take a picture of it so I'm looking these over to see if I recognize it."  That worker might make a suggestion or two....they probably will say "Ok, let me know if I can help with anything" and they move along.  So you get your item, go to the self check....done.   I know you can do this.   And you don't have to drive two counties away to do it too.  I know you can do this.  Please let us know how your experience goes because I know you want to do this.
Heart 
Anne
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#9
Thanks all for the words of encouragement.  They are greatly appreciated!   It's my own mental issues of the self-conscious fears I have to overcome.   I had spoken of this with my TG Peer Group,  and heard other stories like mine and their own realization of "who cares if anyone knows" and "nobody gives a darn" to overcome shopping for Femme Items (even Trans Men and shopping for male-stuff as female).

Also got advice from one of the Trans women who gave me a contact in a nearby county who can do pro makeup jobs on Trans women, as well as sells high-quality cosmetics in a non-judgmental environment.  Was also advised to seek a therapist who either is experienced, or specializes in, Transgender issues.  It was a very helpful and reassuring peer support group meeting last night.  Thank goodness for "The Loft" and all the wonderful people there!

I love all of you ladies here, but it's so gratifying to have others like me right there, face-to-face, to talk to, shake hands and even give hugs.

Virtual hugs and kisses to all!
~ Maria
HeartT.G.I.F. (Thank Goodness I'm Femme!) 

"Loneliness, a constant friend and lover I know well..."
('One Step Closer' by Asia)

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