to grow or not to grow

[Nicole]

Colleen I am not sure at the moment what the prognosis is for my hair.  In my teens and 20s when I had longer hair it was somewhat wavy.  I think I inherited my maternal grandfather's dense carpet and I am eager to let it grow to see what mojo might still be there.  I am also quite grey, but in my mind's eye I think I will aim for a look I saw often when I lived out west (Rocky Mountain country)...older women, strong from hard work, always in pants and work shirts, with luxurious braids of grey and even white hair.  A frontier look I suppose.  

That's my theory of the moment....but I really need to just see what works, as I try out different things in my journey.  

Oh, about the styling skills....I'll have to teach myself....or make new friends who can teach me.  Frontier style...

[edit]  oh!  forgot to mention...I do wonder about wigs when I am letting my hair get longer...I am sure there is a limit to how much hair you can stuff up inside a wig...are there statistics on this?  I mean...what is the experience among the girls here, with stuffing hair under a wig?  (because even if I do want to work with my own hair I still might need to wig out from time to time)

Hello Kelly,

I am not sure what the stats are about wig stuffing   but take it from me... I once had long hair. I wore it long in both my fem and male modes. Length was about 4-5 inches over my shoulders. To get by in male mode I simply put it in a male style pony. Fem mode I would use both a curling iron and a hair crimper. Both together would give me a nice look. I was able to do this until I got married, age 26. Then the fem style was put under wraps until I began working more contract assignments out of town. I was able to wear this length quite well under all wigs that I had at the time... only 3 Colleen   As I got older my hair began to change some and I eventually cut it short. I can honestly say that I do miss the opportunity to work with my own hair. Oh and my hair is quite thin... so stuffing the wig didn't really present itself as a problem.

By the by... not sure if I ever welcomed you to the forum.... just in case I didn't... WELCOME  Your intro story is quite enlightening.

H & K
Nicole

[Kelly]

Thank you Nicole! One thing I envy...all you girls who had awareness early on, and were able to consciously develop a fem side in teens or twenties. For me it never made it to a stage of "hey I want to cultivate this side of me let's think of ways I can do so" until just two or three years ago, in my 50s. Before this, I always felt guilty, strange, shamed....and any time I succumbed to the impulse to dress as a girl I would get it over with and then try to counsel myself on how to get my life right.

(impressive brainwash job, culture I grew up in, impressive!)

And you said enlightening..(smiling)...well I love how we can all support each other here and encourage one another...it's amazing and fulfilling if I manage to do that for anyone else!

[Nicole]

Oh gosh Kelly,

Please let me apologize for any misgivings that I may have led you into thinking about me developing my 'fem' side early on. I am now 65 years young. I lived in few for most of, actually all of, my life. Even though I knew by 8-9 yrs of age that I was a female trapped in the wrong body... I, for many years, thought of myself as 'broken'. In my early twenties I did seek out professional help and I discovered that I was one not alone and two that there was a support group available. However, I never did broach this with my family... never felt that it would go well. Also, I do like the female form much more than the male form so I consider myself mostly hetro. Things get murky when I am in Nicole mode and am out and about... but that is another story. Anyway, since I do prefer females it was always 'easy' to suppress my fem side... at least for awhile. I was experimenting with my fem side back then and dating girls as well. Well when I was 26 I got my now wife pregnant and decided to marry. I am now with 3 adult children and I still live very much in the closet when I am home. But as of about 2 years ago I did confide with both my closest friend, who is gay, and my eldest daughter. I was reasonably sure that both would be supportive and they truly are. But on several occasions I have sort of broached the subject of transgender people and I do not get the feedback that I need. They all seem to be okay with gay... it is much more mainstream then being trans... and all have known my friend for many years. But trans I get mostly the Bruce/Caitlyn crap that lots of folks seem to share and that just makes me uncomfortable to share this with them. BUT!!! since my daughter knows along with my friend... oh and my grand-daughters dance choreographer knows... and he is also a Dive performer, I have been getting many more opportunities to sneak out of the house and change into Nicole mode and enjoy myself. My now wardrobe is slowly growing again and I have been working with makeup a bit more.

So that is sorta me in a nutshell... or closet as it were... again sorry for any misgivings.

Hugs
Nicole

[Kelly]

Nicole, thank you! for sharing more of your story, it's very encouraging and enlightening, and I have done some of the same sort of "testing" with broaching certain topics, and getting similar results. Gay is far more mainstream than trans is.

Flip side...I have only fairly recently identified a behaviour among my acquaintances that has been going on for years, perhaps most of my life: they've been probing ME to determine if I am gay or not. I recall one strange conversation I had with a coworker some years ago, in which he seemed oddly intent on finding out my opinion about blow job videos; I didn't realize until now he was probably trying to determine if I am gay. It's even possible he was sent in by others, because EVERYONE was wondering. (trying to insert a smiley here but it seems I don't know how)

And don't anyone ask me now if I am gay, or bi, or whatever, because frankly, with all I have been learning about the amazing range of gender identities in this world, I am not sure those labels mean much. I hope we are moving toward a world in which people can simply be who they are, openly, without fearing mistreatment. The labels, all the words meant to alert the world what each person feels and desires, are very clumsy and only partially capable of conveying useful information. (sez Kelly)

[Nicole]

Hi Kelly,

Yep... folks that think they know gay and trans, most seem to think that there is a simple 'label' to be applied. As I get older and allow myself to explore myself more I am discovering for myself that no simple label applies... hence my previous comment about being mostly hetro... always when I am in male mode... but like I said, things do get blurry when I am in Nicole mode... especially with other trans girls.

Well I hate to do this... I have really enjoyed our chat time here today. But my friend is coming over and he, my daughter and I are going out this evening and I must get ready. I don't know about you, but it takes me almost 2 hours to get fully into Nicole mode... makeup being the largest time consumer. I am always experimenting and I am still quite inadequate in dealing with my eyeliner and eye lashes... ugh. lol

Oh... and in this display mode, I to cannot get the icons to display either. I may revert back to 'default' mode.

Okay I must go now and apply makeup and then put on the silk! lol

Hugs,
Nicole

---

Nicole, thank you! for sharing more of your story, it's very encouraging and enlightening, and I have done some of the same sort of "testing" with broaching certain topics, and getting similar results.  Gay is far more mainstream than trans is.

Flip side...I have only fairly recently identified a behaviour among my acquaintances that has been going on for years, perhaps most of my life:  they've been probing ME to determine if I am gay or not.  I recall one strange conversation I had with a coworker some years ago, in which he seemed oddly intent on finding out my opinion about blow job videos;  I didn't realize until now he was probably trying to determine if I am gay.  It's even possible he was sent in by others, because EVERYONE was wondering. (trying to insert a smiley here but it seems I don't know how)

And don't anyone ask me now if I am gay, or bi, or whatever, because frankly, with all I have been learning about the amazing range of gender identities in this world, I am not sure those labels mean much. I hope we are moving toward a world in which people can simply be who they are, openly, without fearing mistreatment.  The labels, all the words meant to alert the world what each person feels and desires, are very clumsy and only partially capable of conveying useful information.  (sez Kelly)

HAH Kelly   

Go back to the Home page and go to lower right again and now like the mode back to 'default'   You will get another 'view' of the page and now the icons work and you get the full page viewed! 

Gotta run now... Hugs & Kisses
Nicole 

[Kelly]

Silly little update...I haven't cut my hair in two weeks, and I seem mostly the same, barely noticeable change. It's funny too...till now I cursed my hair for growing much too fast, now I'm cursing it for growing so slow ;-)