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What do you girls think?
#1
Hi Girls,
A few question;
After reading posts for several months I have come to some questions.
Some of us are unhappy souls who feel they are women trapped in male bodies. This is a really complicated issue.
Some of us simply like to dress up and put on makeup (which I confess is my deal).
Some of the posts reveal people looking for sexual gratification with "TG  Girls" (which I suspect has more to do with sexual preference than identity).

So the question is "Where do you go from where you are?"
How do you move forward with your lives? Do you "come clean" to your spouse if you are in a happy relationship with no knowledge of your alter ego (a question that seems to pertain to many of us?
What happens to a happy relationship if your disclosure is not well met?
Thoughts, experiences, etc....
Josie
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#2
Oh My Josie... oh and HELLO!  Cool  
Let me begin my reply to you... and to anyone else who may be interested in these things... DITTO Colleen.

Okay, having said that... hmmm about myself personally.

1. Yes, I have since about age 8-9, I have known that I was 'different'. I am now 65 yrs young. 
2. Yes, I feel 'trapped' or in the wrong body.
3. I have been dressing privately first with what I could get my hands on... mother's under garments and others as opportunity presented itself. As I got older it began to feel 'creepy' to do this with someone else's clothes. So as I got older I began to find ways to buy a very limited undergarments wardrobe. I currently only have 3 dresses and an assortment of undergarments and accessories that I currently wear when I am able to go out in fem.
4. What has made it possible for me, after so many years and still in the closet, is that I am primarily attracted to the female anatomy. Thus when I got my now wife pregnant it wasn't to hard to keep Nicole concealed. I simply imagined that I was her and did to her those things that I imagined I would enjoy if I were her. But for me, as I get older the need for Nicole time has increased dramatically. 
5. As Colleen mentioned... there are a number of other factors that has kept me from persuing becoming Nicole permanently. I would guess the biggest would be the fear of disclosure and how it might affect my family... not just wife and kids... but parents... both are still alive and my other cousins.  I generally consider myself to be heterosexual as I stated before... I prefer the nice soft curvey shape of the female anatomy. But make no mistake, when I am in Nicole mode I am just as likely to be attracted to a male and especially another trans girl. 
6. Currently my eldest child, a daughter, knows and accepts Nicole. Also, so does my closest friend... who I have known was gay since 1998 or so... but I was afraid to tell him until about 2 years ago about who/what I am. 
7. Am I unhappy... hmmm tough one... no not really as I wouldn't trade off the kids to have become Nicole way back 40 years ago. However, I am disappointed in myself for not having had the courage all those years ago to have opened myself up back then. I did seek professional counseling all those years ago and it was quite enlightening, I must say. It has allowed my to accept me for who/what I am. Had I continued down that road... and not have gotten my then girlfriend pregnant... I feel that I likely would have come to terms and made the hard decision... at least that is what I tell myself.
8 Coming clean... hmmm likely I have 'come clean' with those that already know... in addition to my daughter and friend, there are a few more that know. Plus those that I interact with in my local LGBT group.
9. Likely I will have to come clean as I do need more Nicole time. This causes me to become more daring and likely I will be discovered and then be forced to come out. At least that likely will be my only path as I just do not seem to have the courage to do it on my own.  Undecided 
10. Experiences... ah, that is the highlight of my Nicole existence. I am an IT contractor by trade. As such, I have found myself working out of town for extended periods of time. This has been when Nicole ruled my existence!  Cool Heart I was in Austin TX a number of years ago and was essentially adopted by the boutique owner and several of the 'girls' as then became aware that I was on my own and from out of town. GAWD I was in heaven. When I wasn't at work I was Nicole and I was hanging to the wee hours most evenings and every Friday/Saturday/Sunday with my 'girls'. I learned how to talk/walk/express/sit/stand/etc from a very nice bunch of girls that I sorely do miss. I was able to essentially do a repeat sometime after this Texas period, in Columbia South Carolina. Again... it was heaven. Unfortunately the wife came down with Lupus and I was forced to come home and to get a 'regular' job with benefits/etc. so that she would be able to quite work to take care of herself. So the feeling for me to describe all of this is adequately summed up as feeling 'trapped' by choice. Getting what I can of Nicole time is what keeps me sane and able to exist.

Okay Josie, that is about all I can think of that may address your questions. I know, I have opened up a door here for questions/discussion. Please feel free to ask me anything. If you feel that what you have to ask might be to personal in a public forum, feel free to pm me. I will gladly share with you what I can... with the condition that you know I am in no way any kind of a professional advice giver. For that I would strongly recommend to you to seek out a local LGBT or PFLAG group and participate in their monthly get togethers.

Nicole
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#3
I cant say anything that I haven't already said hun, each of us has to find the right path to take, what may work for one might not work for the other, It's your path to chose and walk, the answers you seek are already within yourself, all you have to do is dig them out and let them do what they need to do, I'm happily married and have just told my wife a few week's ago, well Rhonda told her, I also have known I was dif. from the age of around 8 but I also am attracted to Female's. I guess in a since I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body and I hate being a man, I hate having to, if you will, play the part of the Man, I have 7 children, none of them have any idea who I am as I have hidden for 51 years, I'm now 59 and can finally live my life for me. How you choose to come out is all up to you, like I said, there is no quick answer anyone can give you, all I can do is offer my support in any way I can and let you know that there are some very good ppl here that will offer you advice and stand behind you when and if you need it. Welcome to the forums btw and hope you find what you are looking for. Live your life for you, if you cant love yourself first then no one else can and you'll find it hard to truly love another, the feeling will be there but you'll still feel empty inside as I did for so many years, accept who you are and embrace that, build upon it and everything else will fall into place.
H&K
Rhonda
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#4
Hey Girls,
Thanks for the great responses. It does truly show that every one of us has a different experience.  And in response to Colleen; someone has to ask the hard questions! Wink
I see the word "journey" used quite a bit in responses not only to this post but others as well. I think in my case it may be less a "journey" and more of a "holiday" since I don't have the "trapped in the wrong body" feelings. I might want to trade my current body for a slimmer body but that has more to do with my love of beer, wine, great food and slowing metabolism than sexual identification!!
I do love my wife and children with all my heart and I don't want to let them down or hurt them so it is easier to keep Josie to myself. The interesting thing is that when I'm in male mode I don't look at other men or have any attraction to men. Back when I was younger, slimmer and better looking I did have men come on to me from time to time but had no interest. Now when I'm in Josie mode I wonder what it would be like to be with a man? I can relate to Rhonda;s comment "I guess in a sense I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body" but at the same time what would it be like to dance with a man at a club or to kiss a man when I'm in Josie mode?
I may have an opportunity to spend a few days out of town if a certain business opportunity comes through later this year. I am seriously planning to do a little "Josie Time" at a club or out on the town where I am unlikely to run into someone I know (ahh, the old transporting closet! Nicole, your Austin experience would be great!)
So maybe this is more a journey than a holiday.
Josie
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#5
Josie,
You are absolutely correct in that we do all have our own twists to our journey. But let me say this to you, girl friend. If you have the opportunity to experience a higher level of Josie, out of town... wow oh wow... please GO FOR IT! I just absolutely loved it. I would encourage you to look up a local boutique if one is available or even a LGBT group or just do some depth search for good fun/safe bars/places to go. Hook ups or whatever will be somewhat terrifying initially but the adrenalin rush and the feeling of fulfillment just can't be beat. 

Whether you feel trapped or not... if you have entertained the thoughts and have the opportunity and fail to take advantage of the experience, in my opinion I believe that you will have a major regret. I would soooooooo love another out of town opportunity.  Cool 

Ah one last closing comment about myself. Yes, I do feel trapped in the wrong body... but as was mentioned by another, I would have to generally agree that I would generally consider myself to be a closet lesbian... but with a Nicole sense of adventure  Heart Cool  

Hugs,
Nicole  Heart
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#6
Josie, I'm doing exactly that this weekend. I'm going to Chicago as Paige. I've put so much time and energy in planning i can't sleep at night with how excited I am. Chi is very lgbt friendly, you can find air of places to visit. I have casual wear and a little naughty outfit in the event I go the club. You should definitely do it.
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