Newbie, about me

[TashaBDavis]

Welcome Tasha
have been in your same situation(sort of, not married)
have purged the panty drawer a couple times but am still dressing (mainly underdressing in public) but always get full dressed when I can at home
enjoy while you can
the outfit sounds great

Hugs
Christie

Thanks, Christie. I am doing what I can to make the most of my special time. It is odd though. When I do go out, I can't help the feeling that everyone knows and can tell. It is my bra strap? No, I can't see it, so...garter tabs, no again. Bulge at the top of my girdle? I don't think so. I just have too much belly. Maybe they see that little glow in side that says, yeah! I'm doing it.

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Hi Tasha,
As others have stated, you are amongst friends here.  Many of us share similar backgrounds yet we are all unique too.  Many of us, myself included, experience fear of being discovered on different levels.  For some it’s fear of losing a job, for others it’s fear of losing relationships.  So we deal with our fears in our own separate ways.  Something caused you to panic and while we can offer our emotional support to you, ultimately it is up to you to figure out how to address that fear.  Why do we love to dress?  I think there are many answers to this depending upon whom you ask. I wish you peace and joy as you make your journey in dressing.

Anne, I appreciate your thoughtful reply. As I have now posted a couple other places, it is personally confusing to me. I don't get enough opportunity to explore who I am or to consider the full palette of my colors, so to speak. I have known many woman who have transitioned and they go through a kind of adolescence where they have to learn what it truly is to be a woman. When someone like me only gets to explore those issues in a concrete way for a week or two a year, the answers we get or conclusions we reach are incomplete. The result is unsatisfying and disappointing. 
Still, I am enjoying this. I am working, however, to figure out the source of what I can only call a huge sense of guilt. Is it because I have not been true to myself or I have not been true to those in my life? How can you feel guilty about not being truthful to those around you if you know they would reject you if they knew the truth? Still, these people are so important to me. 
It is not fear, but terror.